Animal Crossing: Unexplained Mysteries
by Hoverboardkid
Summary: For all you AC: Strange But True fans, here's a new TV show that'll have you laughing... in horror.
1. Episode 1: So it begins

Animal Crossing: Unexplained Mysteries

From the makers of Animal Crossing: Strange But True...

Comes the same style of madness...

Same style of strangeness...

Same style of... stupid ness...

Animal Crossing: Unexplained Mysteries... up next.

Mysterious music here

And now, your mysterious host... K.K. Slider!

KK: Welcome to AC: Unexplained Mysteries. Have you ever wondered why sometimes you can find pill bugs when you hit rocks with your shovel? Have you ever wondered why sometimes a big huge fish comes under your boat while traveling to Animal Island? This show will unravel the mysteries of Animal Crossing. But first we need to cut to a commercial so we don't get in trouble and some mean lawyer comes to bring a lawsuit against us.

COMMERCIAL ROLLING

Clown: I work day and night trying to make people laugh, to no success. What's my problem?

Comedian: I've tried and tried, but for some reason those knock knock jokes just don't work!

Is your life miserable because nobody finds you amusing? Well, try our new product, Clumbiox, today! It will make people laugh and laugh all day at you, and you don't even have to say a word!

Wearenotresponsibleforanysideeffectseventhoughthesideeffectsarewhatthemedecineissupposedtodowhichismakeyourfacesodistortedthatpeoplewilllaugh.

Clown: Now for some reason people laugh, and I don't have to do anything! But my face LOOKS LIKE A RAISIN!!!

Comedian: Clumbiox really works. But... I HATE IT!!!

COMMERCIAL END

KK: OK... anyway... um... that was.. er.. interesting... to say the least... snicker

Producer: K.K., get with the program!

KK: Oh, right. Now, folks, we will learn about the spookiest parts of Animal Crossing. Today we will be investigating the mysteries of the wishing fountain. It is a very mysterious thing, this fountain. If you go to it, it will speak to you. What makes this voice? Is it... an angel from heaven, that has come down to help you get the golden axe? Today we will go and see.

Cut to KK standing beside a male villager.

KK: Hi, I'm with one of the villager in this lovely city called Ugliville. His name is Mr. Kandy. Mr. Kandy, would you like to inform us where we are?

Mr. Kandy: Well, we're by the wishing fountain, and I'm about to ask the fountain how things are.

We see Mr. Kandy walk up to the fountain, and before he can say anything, he screams and the fountain sucks him in. He is gone.

KK: Augh! Run!

The wind starts to suck KK and the cameraman into the fountain. They start screaming, all you can see onscreen is a blurred motion of struggling against the suction. Suddenly, everything is quiet. The camera comes up to KK, who is looking around.

KK: Well, we certainly weren't expecting that to happen. We got sucked in! Let's watch an instant replay to see exactly what happened.

We see Mr. Kandy walking in slow motion towards the fountain, then his eyes bulge out and he screams in slow motion as his body is pulled forward. He disappears as he hits the water.

KK: This is incredible. Where could we be?

Suddenly, the lights turn on and ten short pigs start dancing on a stage. They now realize they are in a theater.

Pigs: (Singing)

Welcome welcome welcome!

To our special place!

Welcome welcome welcome!

Pick up the pace!

(Singing faster)

Welcome welcome welcome!

See our happy face!

Welcome welcome welcome!

Pick up the pace!

(Singing faster)

Welcome welcome welcome!

Let's break a vase!

Welcome welcome welcome!

Pick up the pace!

KK: STOP! I CAN'T BEAR IT ANY MORE!!!

Pig 1: (Singing) Why, oh why, oh whyyyyyy not?

Pig 2: (Singing) Oh why. Oh why. oh why oh why oh why oh whyyyyyyy not?

KK: Because! My ears! They hurt!

Pig 1: (Singing) Oh dear. Oh dear. We must... get a band-aid!

Pig 2: (Singing) Oh my. Oh my. Whatever will we do?

Cameraman: This is just wrong. Singing pigs inside a wishing fountain. OK.

Pig 1: (Finally not singing) Gasp! The fountain!

Pig 2: He mentioned the fountain!

Pig 3: The fountain... no...

KK: What? What's wrong about the fountain?

Pig 1: One day, us pigs went to the fountain and got sucked in. This theater is our home. We get visitors every once in a while.

KK: But... we need to get out of here!

Cameraman: Do you know a way out?

Pig 1: Uh... no. There are no doors, no windows, nothing.

KK: Did a fellow come in here before? A small guy, his name was Mr. Kandy?

Pig 1: Ah, yes. He was delicious.

KK: What did you say?

Pig 1: He was juicy.

Pig 2: He was yummy.

KK: You mean... ???

Pig 3: (Grinning evilly) How else would we get our food?

KK: Suddenly, this place doesn't seem so friendly. RUN!!!

KK and the Cameraman start running like crazy. The pigs chase after them, happy to have some more food. They are right on their tail. Literally. KK and the Cameraman (His name is Bobby, we'll say) run through a bunch of corridors and into a room with costumes. The pigs are not on their tails anymore, so they hide in the costumes. After about ten seconds, a pig enters the room. Another one joins.

Pig 4: You see 'em?

Pig 5: Nope. But they can't hide forever.

Pig 4: They're trapped, and they know it. There's no way out.

Pig 5: Search this room, then head back to the theater.

The pigs start sniffing, looking all around the room. Luckily, KK and Bobby are not found. Bobby is still filming, but you can only see through the crack in the costume he is in. Eventually, the pigs leave. KK and Bobby get out of their costumes and look at each other, frightened.

KK: This is a nightmare.

Bobby: I had no idea this place existed!

KK: Oh well, let's try and find an exit to this place or something.

Bobby: But didn't you hear them? There's no way out!

KK: Never trust half starved pigs, Bobby. Never.

Bobby: If you say so...

KK: I say so.

Bobby: All right. Why don't we try and find an attic or something?

KK: Sure. But we've got to be sneaky.

KK and Bobby check around the corner. They see nothing. They sneak along the corridors very quietly. Eventually they hear voices, coming from the theater. They spot some stairs leading up. They go up those stairs as quietly as they can, but the wood creaks. The voices stop.

Pig 3: (Jumping out from behind a corner) Aha!

KK: Run!

KK and Bobby run up the stairs as fast as they can. The pig does not chase them, he just laughs as they scramble up the stairs.

Pig 3: They have no idea what they're getting themselves into when they go up there.

KK and Bobby reach the top of the stairs and turn the corner. A sign points down the hallway, and says, "The way out – this way." KK and Bobby walk forward into the dark hallway. They keep walking for what seems like five minutes. They look back and see where they started walking, which is very, very far away. They realize this hallway is huge! They keep walking, and walking, and walking. Finally, KK and Bobby stop. They turn around again. They cannot see where they started from.

Bobby: KK, this is really giving me the creeps.

KK: I know. Are you still filming?

Bobby: I have been this whole time.

KK: Sweetness. Let's keep moving.

Bobby: But I'm... scared.

KK: All the better for this show.

Bobby: If you say so...

KK: I say so.

KK starts walking again. After about an hour they reach light. KK starts to rejoice, but Bobby is still freaked out. They finally reach the light and come into a big bright room.

Bobby: Where are we?

KK: If I knew I would tell ya, but I don't have the slightest clue.

Bobby: I'm scared.

KK: But it's not even dark!

Bobby: It's just that...

Suddenly, Bobby and KK lurch forward without trying to. It is almost like they are being pulled by the air. A whispering voice creeps into their minds. They can hear it without their ears.

Voice: You have entered the ultimate battle zone. To get back home, you must face your ultimate fears.

KK: Uh oh...

Voice: Once you face your worst fear, you may return home.

KK: Not good...

Voice: KK, you are first.

Suddenly, KK and Bobby are transported to a concert. They are watching as another KK goes out onto a stage.

KK: That's me, on stage!

Bobby: Yeah. I thought that voice said you would have to face your worst fear.

KK: Well... I'm afraid that maybe... this is my worst fear.

Bobby: Being on stage?

KK: No... something else... I can't bear to watch.

Bobby: You must, or else we won't get home!

KK: OK...

The other KK on stage is in a tuxedo. He starts playing his guitar and dancing around, singing a great tune. He starts really getting into it, going all out on the guitar strings, and his jumps in the air violently. His pants slip right off, revealing his pink polka dot boxers.

KK: NO! NOOOOOOOOOooooooooooo!!!!

Voice: Bobby, you next.

They are suddenly transported to a cliff. A very, very high cliff. KK looks over the edge, and cannot see the bottom. The clouds are below them, and it is quite hard to breathe.

Bobby: I hate heights.

Suddenly, a pack of wolves come charging at them. It is either go near the cliff or face the wolves.

Bobby: I HATE wolves!!!

Bobby steps toward the cliff. He is on the edge with KK as the wolves come nearer.

KK: We're going to have to jump! We'll fall, but hopefully we'll be OK. You have to face your fear!

Bobby: I don't wanna!

KK: Fine, I'll do it!

KK jumps while holding on to Bobby. They fall, and they scream.

Bobby: HHHHHHEEEEEELLLLPPPPP MMMMEEEEEEEeeeeee!!!!!

Voice: Good job. Now you may return home.

Suddenly, the two friends are no longer falling. They are standing in front of the wishing fountain.

KK: Run away!

Bobby: We've got to get as far away from this wishing fountain as we can!

Bobby drops the camera in the dirt. We can still see the wishing fountain. We see Tortimer come out from behind the wishing fountain.

Tortimer: Heh heh. That virtual reality program I created really fooled those two.

Mr. Kandy emerges from behind the fountain too.

Mr. Kandy: Yeah. But did you really have to have those dancing pigs?

Tortimer: That was just for humor.

Mr. Kandy: Yes, but... nevermind. Let's get ready to fool them next episode.

Tortimer: Right on, sonny! Right on.


	2. Episode 2: The Gigantic Fish

Animal Crossing: Unexplained Mysteries

Mysterious music here

And now your host... K.K. Slider!

KK: Welcome to AC: Unexplained Mysteries. If you joined us last episode, you'll remember that me and my faithful cameraman, Bobby, who is currently filming this episode also, went into the wishing fountain and faced singing pigs and our worst fears.

Now, this episode, we'll be doing something even more daring and exciting. Maybe even... horrifying.

Mr. Kandy: KK! KK! I'm back!

KK: What? I thought... you were... eaten!

Mr. Kandy: Well, er, um... the pigs, they... were just... kidding.

KK: OK... that's odd...

Mr. Kandy: Well, I'm back! And I'm willing to test out whatever mystery you have now!

KK: OK, today, we'll be with Kapp'n, sailing and trying to find the big mysterious fish that sometimes comes!

Mr. Kandy: OK... sounds great. Let me just, um... tell Tortimer, my boss...

Tortimer: What's happening this time, sonny?

Mr. Kandy: (whisper whisper whisper)

Tortimer: OK. Sounds dandy! Just go ahead and do that.

Mr. Kandy: All right, I'm all set. Shall we go?

KK: Yes. Follow me.

After a lot of walking, the three companions (including Bobby) reach the sea. Kapp'n is waiting for them.

KK: Kapp'n, you know our mission, correct?

Kapp'n: That is correct! Hop in, boys!

The three guys get in the boat. They sail off into the sea with Kapp'n.

Kapp'n: Now, it's time for a song.

KK: Hey, if anyone should do the music, it should be me.

Kapp'n: But... I really think I should...

KK: No need to. Here goes my sailing song – the Boating Beat!

Mr. Kandy: Save us.

KK:

Sailing, sailing,

over the open sea!

Wherever we go,

no one knows,

where Kapp'n takes us,

it beats me!

Kapp'n: I can sing better than that!

Sailing to and fro,

here oh here we go!

Tossing in the waves,

Drifting in the wind!

KK: That last verse didn't even rhyme!

Mr. Kandy: Uh, guys...

KK: Here's my version!

Mr. Kandy: Guys...

KK:

To and fro we sail,

hit a mighty gale!

Waves are tossing us,

Wind will make us bust!

Mr. Kandy: GUYS!!!

KK: What is it, Mr. Kandy?

Mr. Kandy: LOOK! It's the FISH!

Suddenly, their boat gets knocked over into the water.

KK: Help! I can't swim!

Kapp'n: Ha! A musician who can't swim! That's just... well, I guess there's nothing strange about it, really.

KK: BLUB BLUB BLUB

Mr. Kandy: No! Mr. KK sir!

Bobby: Hey guys... the camera can't get wet, and well... it is, so any moment here it's going to-

CRACKLE CRACKLE CRACKLE CRACKLE

We are experiencing technical difficulties. Please wait.

One hour later...

CRACKLE CRACKLE CRACKLE CRACK-

Bobby: Guys! I got the camera working!

KK: Oh good! Film me, I'll clue our watchers in.

Bobby: OK, I'm rolling.

KK: Well, the fish swallowed us whole, folks, and here we are in the belly. It turns out that this big fish is actually some sort of robot, because the stomach is actually a FBI (Federal Bunny Industry) base! Here some officers come now!

Agent Bunny Ears: We've decided that you cannot go free without a brainwashing. No one must know our secret. Unfortunately, it will be extremely painful. So we will have to chain you up and proceed.

Kapp'n: But... I'm allergic to pain. It makes me hurt!

KK Slaps Kapp'n on the head.

KK: You dope! Pain means the same- oh, nevermind!

Agent Bunny Ears: Come with me!

Two other officers grab the prisoners and take them to a room. Four chairs await the frightened animals.

Agent Bunny Ears: And I'm afraid we'll have to confiscate your tape, Mr......

Bobby: Bobby.

Agent Bunny Ears: Mr. Bobby. Hand over the camera.

Bobby: Run guys, run!

KK kicks one guard in the shin. The guard falls on the ground in pain. The other guard tries to grab Mr. Kandy, but Mr. Kandy dodges him and jumps on top of the guard.

Mr. Kandy: Run, guys! I'll sacrifice!

KK: No! We're not leaving you!

Mr. Kandy: RUN!!!

KK turns and follows Kapp'n and Bobby. They are being chased down the hallway.

Agent Bunny Ears: Stop! Stop!

KK: Out the escape hatch!

KK, Bobby, and Kapp'n open the escape hatch. Water comes flooding in. They go out the exit and swim to get air.

Bobby: We escaped! But the camera got wet again!

KK: Oh no.

CRACKLE CRACKLE CRACKLE CRACKLE

We are experiencing technical difficulties. Please wait.

One hour later...

CRACKLE CRACKLE CRACKLE CRACK-

Bobby: Got it!

KK: Good! Point it at me!

Bobby: Rolling.

KK: OK, we escaped the fish and got to a town. Unfortunately, these animals speak in a different language.

Dog: El perro esta muy gordo!

KK: Um...

Dog: Muy, muy gordo!

KK: Hey listen, where's the train station? You know – CHOO CHOO!!!

The Dog scratches his head, then points in a direction.

KK: OK good, I think he understands. Come on guys, this way.

KK leads them to a big building.

KK: Is this the train station?

Bobby: Hey, here's a sign with a translation. It says: "National Sneezing Museum."

Kapp'n: Oh dear.

KK: Looks like he thought I was saying "ACHOO ACHOO."

Kapp'n: Not good!

Bobby: I say we just try to explore until we find the train station.

KK: Good idea. Come on, guys.

KK, Kapp'n, and Bobby search around for a long, long, time until they finally find train tracks.

KK: Guys, if we follow the train tracks, we can find the train station!

Kapp'n: Yeah, but they go in two directions. Which one should we take?

KK: My father always used to say, "If you're lost, just stand there."

Bobby: What does that have to do with anything?

KK: Uh... I don't know.

Kapp'n: Well, my father always used to say, "If the fish is big enough, bite it!"

Bobby: But that has nothing to do with this situation either!

Kapp'n: Good point.

Bobby: My father always used to say to me, "When you're on a railroad, LOOK OUT FOR THE TRAIN!"

KK: What? That has nothing to do with this situation either.

Bobby: NO! Seriously! THE TRAIN IS COMING!

The train is coming down the tracks at a ferocious pace. KK turns just in time to see it and hops off the train tracks. The train goes roaring by.

KK: Well, that was close. You saved my life, Bobby.

Bobby: Yeah, well, it was nothing.

Kapp'n: Come on, you two! Now we know which direction to head!

The three companions walk a long way to the train station, where Porter is standing in the hot sun.

KK: Hey, Porter, my man! How ya doing?

Porter: Ooh Ooh Aah Aah!

KK: Darn. He speaks a different language too.

Kapp'n: Well, there's only one thing to do, since we can't get back to our town by train.

KK: What's that?

Kapp'n: Hot air balloon!

Kapp'n snaps his fingers and all of a sudden a cat dressed up like a clown pops in front of the three travelers. The cat blows up a balloon until it is gigantic, and quickly ushers the three travelers to follow.

Kapp'n: Come on, my friends!

KK: What the heck is this?

The three travelers hold on to a rope tied to the balloon, and the clown lets go of the rope. Now the balloon goes higher and higher.

KK: What?! This is your hot air balloon?

Kapp'n: Uh, yeah...

Bobby: And what was that clown down there?

Kapp'n: Oh, she's my cousin. Weird relationship. Don't ask. Anyway, she promised me to appear whenever I snapped my fingers and give me one of her hot air balloons.

KK: (Sputtering) But we can't even turn! We're just going to go up until we let go or suffocate!

Kapp'n: Not exactly.

KK: What do you mean?

Kapp'n: One, we can't let go. There's super glue on the rope.

Bobby: Hey! He's right! It's impossible to let go!

Kapp'n: Two, once the balloon reaches a certain height, it senses a satellite dish signal telling it where to go. It will bring us back to our town.

Bobby: Sweet. I guess this thing is more high tech than I thought.

KK: Yeah... I guess... But why couldn't we just get a regular hot air balloon?

Kapp'n: Because! It wouldn't be as much of an adventure, now would it?

KK: I guess not...

Kapp'n: Oh! And now we're heading towards our town!

KK: I can see my house from here!

Bobby: Look! The giant fish is still in the water, down there in the ocean!

The giant fish explodes before their very eyes.

KK: NO! What happened?

Bobby: Well, since the fish was a robot thing, I guess it malfunctioned because we let water in through the escape hatch.

KK: Oh boy.

Kapp'n: Prepare to land! It might get rough!

The balloon pops and the three travelers fall the rest of the way. They hit a tree.

KK: Ow... my... neck...

Bobby: Stop worrying about your neck and let's get moving!

KK: Fine, fine...

This ends this episode of Animal Crossing: Unexplained Mysteries.

Up coming: The debate on Animal Crossing Creation and Evolution!


	3. Episode 3: Creation versus Evolution

Animal Crossing: Unexplained Mysteries

And now your host...

Mr. Kandy: Wait! Hold it! I'm not the host, I'm just filling in for him today.

Bobby: Mr. Kandy? It's... you?

Mr. Kandy: Well, yes.

Bobby: How did you manage to escape THIS time?

Mr. Kandy: Well, you see, I managed to escape after you, uh, pulled the hatch.

Bobby: Oh, cool. So like, you just ended up here?

Mr. Kandy: Yes. Now can we get on with the show?

Bobby: Yeah, I'm still rolling.

Mr. Kandy: OK, you see, KK wasn't feeling very good. So I decided to fill in for him. Today, we're going to have two very special guests having a debate on Creation versus Evolution in the Animal Crossing world! It's... Timmy and Tommy!

Timmy: Hey there!

Tommy: Hello everyone!

Mr. Kandy: Now first let's have you two introduce yourselves. Timmy?

Timmy: I'm Tom Nook's son and I work at his store.

Mr. Kandy: Tommy, what about you?

Tommy: Uh... same thing.

Mr. Kandy: OK. Timmy, what are your interests?

Timmy: Fighting with my brother and watching TV.

Mr. Kandy: And Tommy?

Tommy: Same thing.

Mr. Kandy: OK, well, Timmy, what's your age?

Timmy: I'm five years old.

Mr. Kandy: That's great! So let's get started!

Tommy: But you didn't ask my age!

Mr. Kandy: Well, what's your age?

Tommy: Uh... same thing as Timmy.

Mr. Kandy: (Sputtering) But... but... fine then. Have it your way.

Tommy: Thank you.

Mr. Kandy: You're... welcome. Now, can we get started, or do we have another pointless point to make?

Tommy: I'm fine.

Timmy: Can I use the bathroom?

Mr. Kandy: (Sighing) Find a tree. (Whispering to the camera) This is more like babysitting than hosting a debate. Maybe that's why KK didn't show up.

Timmy waddles off, but turns around before he reaches a tree.

Mr. Kandy: Didn't you have to go to the bathroom?

Timmy: (clearly embarrassed) Uh... not anymore.

Mr. Kandy: (Sighing once more) Oh my. Shall we get started?

Tommy: Wait. I'm hungry.

Mr. Kandy: Shake some fruit off a tree.

Tommy: But-

Mr. Kandy: FINE! You don't want fruit, DON'T GET ANY!

Tommy starts crying, which makes Timmy bang his fists against Mr. Kandy.

Timmy: You're a BAD MAN! You're a BAD MAN! You're a MEAN, CRUEL MAN!

Bobby: This would be a good time to cut the camera.

Later...

Mr. Kandy: OK. Timmy and Tommy are settled... finally. Now, our discussion begins. Timmy, you are arguing against Evolution, Tommy, you are arguing against Creation. When either of you wants to comment on the other person's argument, raise your hand. Timmy, you may begin.

Timmy: OK so, Evolutionists basically say that this world – the Animal Crossing world – came to be because of a huge explosion in the Gamecube. A disk was formed, and all the graphics, the people, animals, dialogue, was all just – BAM – there. Now of course all of the evidence proves this wrong. SOMEONE had to make all this. I mean, how could this all just – BANG – appear all around us? Many different things would have to happen purely by chance.

One – The graphics

Two – The animals and characters

Three – The controls

Four – The dialogue

Five – Many other things like being able to travel to other towns and make your own design

All of these things happened by PURE CHANCE? I don't think so.

Tommy raises his hand.

Mr. Kandy: Tommy, you can speak for ten seconds.

Tommy: What you're saying is just ridiculing Evolution. Why don't you talk about your own belief? And anyway, those things could have easily happened by pure chance – the Gamecube has something called Memory, doesn't it? Well the memory in the Gamecube could have created the game.

Mr. Kandy: Tommy, your time is up. Timmy?

Timmy: I'm sorry, Tommy, but your argument is just absurd, and I'm sure you must be ashamed of yourself for coming up with such a stupid explanation. One, the Gamecube does not have memory in itself. It needs a memory card. Plus, the memory card is not a computer. It just holds saved data. There is no possible way for it even to make a game, nonetheless make a disk physically out of scratch.

Now, about Creation. I believe that a bunch of people got together and created a game for the Gamecube. It makes a whole lot more sense, doesn't it? Hmm? They have the equipment, the knowledge, the power. I rest my case.

Mr. Kandy: All right. Tommy, what do you have to say to defend yourself?

Tommy: Um, actually, I think that Timmy's right. There's not much I can say against something that I believe in.

Mr. Kandy: Wow, so the evidence was so strong that you just completely turned around?

Tommy: Yeah. Wow – I never realized all that stuff had to happen to create a game.

Mr. Kandy: Yeah, pretty amazing, huh? Well folks, this dramatic series of events unfolds before our very eyes. That's the end of this short episode, bu stay tuned for more Animal Crossing: Unexplained Mysteries!


	4. Episode 4: Wisp!

Bum….Bum…Bum….

Insert eerie noises here

OOOOoooohhhhh………..

Animal Crossing: Unexplained Mysteries…

Bum…Bum…Bum…

Insert more eerie noises here

And now, your host… KK Slider!

KK: Thank you, thank you very much. Yes folks, after a long break, Animal Crossing: Unexplained Mysteries is back in action for a second season! Even though we only had three episodes last season, which doesn't make much sense… actually, it doesn't make any sense!

Producer: Shut up, KK, or you're out of a job.

KK: Right, sir. It makes _so_ much sense to me now.

Suddenly, out of nowhere, nothing interesting happens!

KK: Oh my GOSH! Can you believe it?

Suddenly, out of nowhere, another burst of rapid nothing happens!

KK: Augh! I can't stand it!

Producer: Second warning, KK. **Stick with the script.**

KK: Sure, whatever. This episode we're going to go out when it gets dark, and find Wisp, the ghost. The legend has it that he makes strange noises – it's sure to be spooky! So I'll be signing off for a while, and after this long break, we'll go out and find Wisp! For now, however, you'll watch Jack's Adventures. It's a great award-winning film by Steve Spellburg. Roll tape!

TAPE ROLLING

FADE IN TO A HUGE TITLE:

_**Jack's Adventures**_

(Credits follow)

Jack: I'm a pumpkin head. Everyone hates me. No one likes me. They call me Pumpkin Head, Pumpkin face. On Halloween everyone dresses up like me and makes fun of me. It's not FAIR! And all I want is candy. Plus, I had to go through so much pain as a child!

(Show flashback)

Jack: No! No! Please no! I don't have a face, but maybe you could just use markers… don't come near me with that knife, sir! No! NOOOO!

Screams are heard as the doctor takes young Jack into a room. When he comes out, holes are cut into his face to make a jack-o-lantern. He has a toothy grin.

(Cut back from flashback)

Jack: Ever since that day I've been miserable. I'm a pumpkin head. Everyone hates me. No one likes me. They call me Pumpkin Head, Pumpkin face. On Halloween everyone dresses up like me and makes fun of me. It's not FAIR! And all I want is candy.

Aguy: Yeah yeah, you've said that already.

Jack: Who are you?

Aguy: I'm a guy.

Jack: What's your name, though?

Aguy: I told you… I'm a guy!

Jack: Wait wait wait… is your name "A Guy?"

Aguy: Yes. One word. Aguy.

Jack: That's the dumbest name ever! Hahahaha!

Aguy: (Cries) You're a mean pumpkin head!

Jack: Well… you're a guy! Hahahaha!

Aperson: Jack, I've been watching you. You don't like it when people hurt your feelings, so why do you make fun of others?

Jack: I don't know…um…who are you?

Aperson: I'm a person.

Jack: Yeah, but what's your name…oh. I get it. Nevermind.

Aperson: Mmhmm….

Jack: Well, thanks for the advice. I guess I'll just have to be nice to everyone from now on. Thanks for the great moral lesson, guys!

Aguy: Is that a joke?

SWORDED!

Aguy: AAhhh! My eye!

Jack: Well, that's a bit violent, don't you think?

KNIFED!

Jack: Augh! My pumpkiny pumpkinness!

Aperson: I hope nothing happens to me.

POTATOED!

Aperson: Make it stop! Make it stop!

TAPE END

KK: OK, well, we're here in the woods, looking for Wisp. He should be around here somewhere…

Bobby: (The cameraman) KK, something touched me.

KK: Bobby… it's just me and you. What are you talking about?

Bobby: It's… Ahh! It's all over me! Help! Help!

The camera falls down. You do not see anything, only hear things.

Wisp: **Who dares disturb me!**

KK: Please! We didn't mean it!

Wisp: Oh, good. I was hoping that would be the case. I mean… **Oh yeah? Well not that you have disturbed me, you must find me five spirits, or I will kill you!**

KK: What! That's not what usually happens!

Wisp: Well… **It's happening now! Bwa-hahahaha!**

KK: Run for your life, Bobby!

Bobby picks up the camera and films Wisp, who just stands there as they run away.

Suddenly, five spirits appear in front of KK and Bobby. The two frightened animals stop dead in their tracks.

KK: Wh…what do you… www…wa…..want?

Spirits: You must die!

KK: Wait… I can't die! I have a show to do!

Bobby: And I have to film it!

Spirits: Whatever. But now, your show will be cursed!

KK: Like it wasn't cursed already.

Bobby: No kidding.

_WHOOSH!_

KK: The spirits are gone!

Bobby: No kidding.

KK: We should get back to the studio.

Bobby: No kidding.

KK: Shut up.

Bobby: Fine. But this time, no one can know how do tie knots!

KK: I told you to shut up.

Bobby: I agree with cheese.

KK: Shut **UP!**

Bobby: (says nothing)

KK: Thank you. That's it for this episode, folks!


	5. Episode 5: The Dump

Bum….Bum…Bum….

Insert eerie noises here

OOOOoooohhhhh………..

Animal Crossing: Unexplained Mysteries…

Bum…Bum…Bum…

Insert more eerie noises here

And now, your host… KK Slider!

It is dark out. We see a dark shadow emerge from, well, the shadows. It is…. (what a surprise) KK Slider!

KK: Thank you, thank you very much, everyone. It's a pleasure to be here today. In fact, it's so much of a pleasure considering that I'm still alive! I mean, well… you know what I mean. Chased by ghosts, endless tunnels, singing pigs… you get the idea.

KK starts walking toward the dump. The camera follows him as he continues to talk.

KK: Anyway, today we're going to be investigating the dump. As you can see, it's the spookiest part in town at night because there are no street lights, lamps, nothing. Pitch black. Legend has it that whoever goes in that dump will die. We don't know how, but we want to test this theory. Contestants, come forward!

Suddenly, three shadows emerge from, well, the shadows, of course. When they come closer, we can distinguish who they are: Bill, the duck, Butch, the dog, and Jeremiah, the frog.

KK: All right, you guys, you know the rules. The first one to go in there and come out alive wins a million dollars. Why don't you introduce yourselves, and tell us why you think you'll win?

Bill: Well, I'm Bill. I'm an athlete, so I'm physically in shape. Anything that comes my way, whether it be snakes or sinking sand or a large bear, I can beat it down the ground.

Butch: I'm Butch. I'm a boy. Just because I'm wearing a dress doesn't mean I'm a girl. Don't make fun of me! If you do, I'll have to kill you three hundred million times. Plus five.

KK: Butch, someone can only be killed once.

Butch: Stop making fun of me! I'm LEAVING!

Butch storms off, angry and frustrated.

Jeremiah: I'm Jeremiah. I think I'll win because I'm a frog. Frogs are good luck. Heh.

KK: Right…. OK, now that we just have two contestants, the stakes are higher. The boundaries have been set. The time has come.

Creepy theme music here

KK: You will have to face the most daring, deadliest, dastardly, despicable deed of this day…. after this break!

COMMERCIAL BREAK

TITLE: It's coming to haunt the world…

Fade to a man looking down a corridor.

MAN: Hello? Anybody in here?

Scary dramatic music here

TITLE: The death of millions is right around the corner…

Man: Noooooo!

A knife drops and hits the table

Man: It can't be true!

Action packed music starts

TITLE: This summer

The man runs through a cornfield and stumbles, falling through a secret trap door.

Man: It's a tomb! Oh my gosh!

TITLE: You won't believe it's real…

Man: This can't be happening to me!

TITLE: Until it is.

Man: WHHHHYYYYYY!

TITLE: The Killer Squirrels… coming to theaters July 13

COMMERCIAL END

KK: Now, we have decided that Bill the duck will go first into the deadly dump.

Bill: Well…

KK: YOU'RE NOT CHICKENING OUT, ARE YOU!

Bill: No, it's just that I need to…

KK: GO!

Bill: Uhhh…. but you see….

KK: I said… GO!

KK pushes Bill into the dump. Bill stumbles and walks into the darkness. We cannot see him anymore… a heavy fog is hovering over the dump.

We hear grunting noises and a small hiss. After that, nothing happens.

KK: Bill? You there!

KK: Well Jeremiah, I guess you're next.

Jeremiah: Fine. I have luck on my side… I'm sure to win.

Jeremiah walks bravely into the fog. We hear footsteps, then a squishing sound.

Jeremiah: What the…? Ahh! EWWWW!

slip fall thud

Jeremiah: EWWW! GET IT OF MEEEE! AAAAAAAGGGGGHHHHH!

We hear nothing else after this.

Silence.

Silence.

Silence.

Silence.

KK: Well…………… since no one made it, I guess no one gets a million dollars. I'm quite curious as to what happened to them, however.

Bill runs up to KK.

Bill: KK! I… made it. I had a slight… problem. And then I got lost in the fog and couldn't find my way back. But I made it!

KK: Sorry, we sent Jeremiah in. You lost.

Bill: Uh oh. Is Jeremiah still in there?

KK: No… it sounded like he slipped or something. Maybe he's dead.

Jeremiah runs up to KK and Bill. He is covered in what looks like mud.

KK: What happened to you?

Bill: Oh… no… I'm so sorry!

Jeremiah: I fell in loads of crap! It's not your fault Bill, some idiot just decided to use the grass as a toilet. Wait a minute! You're not saying…. AHHHHH!

Bill: Like I said! I'm so sorry!

KK: Ewwww… unpleasant! This concludes our episode… stay tuned. and stuff.

Yeah, gross episode. Sorry if this was disturbing. -Hoverboardkid


End file.
